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-- Riff (giving a thumb's up): Perfect! -- Alt-Rammer (off panel; over communications): Riff, I found out some disturbing things about the A.I. Riff (over communications): Well /*that's*/ a scary way to start a conversation, Rammer. -- Alt-Rammer (off panel; over communications): Agreed. It looks like the A.I. has always run the City, but my father, Dr. Schlock, commanded the A.I.! So while he was /alive/ he was able to curtail the robotics facility expansions like the REA-6. Poster: A Full Time Champion 4U! | Happiness is a locally embedded REA-6 -- Alt-Rammer (over communications): But as soon as the A.I. lost it's [sic: should be "its"] 'humanity' it started down a road that would have eventually concluded that the population was the greatest threat to the City. -- Alt-Rammer (off panel; over communications): If we hadn't acted when we did, you and I, this whole world would have been lost right under that old man's nose. No matter how this turns out, we did good. Riff (smiling; over communications): Thanks for the info, Rammer. -- (Riff smiles slightly as he tapes up a couple of cables) -- Alt-Strom (over communications): Riff? Seven here. Two things to report. First off, look out your window! The rain's stopped, just like this morning. Happy mostly-sunny day! -- Alt-Strom (off panel; over communications): Second, I've got one crazy deep-scan REA-5 with double D.F.A. weapons charging the main force alone. Riff (over communications): This City is full of 'crazy.' -- Alt-Strom (over communications): /*This*/ 'crazy' is slurring your name. I'll patch in the audio... Alt-Izzy (off panel; over communications): "...Take me, you stupid City! You take my frienz and love-ones away, one by one, and make me think maybe iaLLsee my huzban' Riff agin? Maybe I'll see Torg agin? Screw you! I'm takin' you /*all*/ down!" -- Riff (in shock): Izzy? -- Riff (off panel; over communications): Izzy! /*Come in, Izzy!*/ Alt-Izzy (from inside the REA-5): You're NOh the /*real*/ Riff! You're noT *mine!* And now that Torg has been blas'ed INta a random dimenzon I'm more alone! And I'm *sick of alone!* m' hanging up now! <**ZAPPO!**> <**ZAPPO!**> -- Riff (off panel; over communications): Izzy! Torg's still here! Alt-Izzy: WHuuuh?!? -- Riff (over communications; panicking): When I said we lost him, I meant 'lost him to the City!' His brain's slightly toasty and /*he's back home and in his apartment!*/ -- Alt-Izzy (halting in front of thousands of outsiders): /*OH!*/ -- Alt-Izzy (turning tail and running away): NEVerrrMIND! <**BLAM**> <wzzz> <**THOK**> <BANG> <Rat-tat-tat> <**BLAM**> <wzzz> <P-Tok> | Flag | ||||
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Top sign on Alt-Leo's coffee stand: Nickel-3-6's Coffee Hut Bottom sign on Alt-Leo's coffee stand: The Barista is [IN] -- (A view of 4U City from the outside, showing the city happily lit up, with stars shining brightly from clear skies all around it) -- (A party scene with what looks like Alt-Izzy and another soldier smoking and playing "Go Fish"; the soldier has two hypodermic needles rolled up in his shirt sleeves; a sign by his helmet (which is filled with smokes) says: "4U City Smokey Snak Stix"; in the background REA-5 units are looking on, with Alt-Strom, in particular, kicking back with his REA-5 unit open and his hands behind his head; MATTY's are acting like USO girls: under a sign that says "Universal Serenity Opto-Bots", they are dancing with 4U citizens) -- (A lone REA-5 unit tramps through the wreckage of REA-6 units, collecting Crushestro medallians and carrying a Riff-revolution-logo flag) -- Alt-Izzy happily walks into the medical "CLINIC" towards Riff, who's holding a cell phone announcing "IZZY", the bullet hole still showing in the right shoulder of his trenchcoat; Alt-Min can barely be seen under a plastic covering, with a MATTY standing nearby) Top sign above Alt-Min's bed: >>Nanite - 3.0<< | Med-enhanced | Reboot: 98.3% Bottom sign on Alt-Min's bed: Diagnostics: | Heart Failure-Reboot | 98.3%-00:02:43 | b10cH1P-01209 | Flag | ||||
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Alt-Torg: Observe and scan everything. Sending it here, but don't radio us. 4U City will be watching and listening. 6-Pack: What will you do? Alt-Torg: Try to snap Izzy out of it before Riff needs help. Alt-Izzy: ***barf*** </End flashback> -- Riff: Zoë's dead. My fault. Drop it Izzy. Alt-Izzy: No, I won't! Because that distraction of yours triggered the 'Massacre at Central Tower.' Our friend 6-Pack died there that day. -- </Flashback> Alt-Izzy: /*Riff's going to the Central Tower to get information on Zoë!*/ Alt-Torg (at the keyboard): We know. 6-Pack's got eyes on him. He's in Central Tower Park, facing the front lobby, dealing with a guard-turret. The good news is the rain is lightening up. </End flashback> -- Riff: 6-Pack might have just got blasted to another dimension. Alt-Izzy: Him... being crushed... It's on the video, Riff! -- </Flashback> (6-Pack lying prone on the ground in his REA-5 suit; his head visible; a 'happy fun ball' from one of the REA-6's is about to crush his skull) </End flashback> -- Riff (testily): And you think it's /*my fault?*/ Alt-Izzy: No! *I /don't!/* But Torg *does!* He's lost all hope! He's not thinking of freeing the city! He's planning on *destroying it!* -- Riff (hanging his head; his back turned to Izzy): Maybe it deserves to be destroyed. -- Alt-Izzy: It's not just buildings, Riff! It's people! Did Six-Pack deserve to be destroyed? -- Riff (whirling back angrily at Izzy): Why don't you go crawl back in the drug vats you... -- Riff (big fake smile): ...bucket of *joy!* It's *so good* to speak to you! Alt-Izzy (also with big fake smile): You fill me with *searing delight!* -- REA-5 unit: /*Good day, happy citizens! I think you'll be even happier out of this rain!*/ Riff and Alt-Izzy (waving and smiling): *Good day, officer!* -- (Riff and Izzy stare at each other in silence as the rain pounds down on them) -- (They turn and walk away from each other) === NOTE: Ref: _Sepia Panel 1_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/20100521> | _Sepia Panel 2_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/20100524> | _Sepia Panel 3_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/20110214> | Flag | ||||
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Alt-Torg (getting into his REA-5 unit): This city has made us all addicted to 4U coffee, and that makes us part of the problem! It's going to weaken our army. I hadn't thought of that. -- Alt-Izzy (leaning over to Alt-Leo): You managed to shut down coffee distribution across a city of over a million all by yourself? That's *amazing,* Leo! Alt-Leo: Not if you knew how ridiculously powerful yet under-managed the pipe-works are in this place! -- Alt-Leo: And I can only do it once. I'm on the run from here on out. /*Annnnd*/ you're just being nice because I had an emergency thermos of 4U coffee. Alt-Izzy (bug-eyed wired): No, I really mean it! /*Plus*/ I got extra pick-me-ups from our chem-locker! -- Alt-Leo: Then can I have my thermos back? Alt-Izzy (hugging the thermos defensively and holding out an imaginary knife): *Back off! She stays with me! I'll cut you!* Alt-Leo: Cut me...? Alt-Izzy: *Imaj'nary knife! It's /rayzuhsharp!/* Alt-Leo: Whoookay! -- Alt-Leo: Glad she's not the brains of this operation. Hey Torg. Riff asked me to relay a message. Torg (closing the suit): Shoot. <**wrrrrrrrrr**> Alt-Leo: "Wait for your twenty-seconds." -- (Torg's suit seals) <**CA-CHUNKA!**> Alt-Torg (from within the suit): *Duly noted. Izzy get ready to send the message and the nanite hack.* Alt-Leo: "Nanite hack?" Izzy, please don't lick the outside of the thermos. | Flag | ||||
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Riff (with a fake smile): Waiting would make me happy, 47223559! -- Alt-Izzy: "Code 3." Pendabot: Localized audio jam initiated. You may talk freely. Alt-Izzy: My number's 4722355*2*, Riff! Get it right! Riff: Won't matter much longer. What do you want, Izzy? -- Alt-Izzy: You're not talking to Torg. Riff: We gab all the time. Alt-Izzy: You're both keeping secrets when you're supposed to be planning this attack on 'His Masterness' together. -- Riff (angrily): Secrets? Is there a *secret* you know that you want to share, Izzy? Alt-Izzy: You went to *all* that trouble, staging that attack against Central Tower as a distraction so you could access the terminal with information on Zoë. Torg thought it might be his lost love, the Zoë originally from *this* dimension. -- </Flashback> 6-Pack: He's not responding to hails. Alt-Torg: 6-Pack, take Izzy's REA-5 and head straight to the Central Tower. Riff will be sneaking through the pipes so you should get in position before he does. </End flashback> -- Riff: And I found out she was my Zoë, my dimension, and that she's dead. Alt-Izzy: She's *not* dead. -- Riff: What do you know? *How do you know that?!?* Alt-Izzy: I know that you've been floundering here for a purpose until you found out she /might/ be alive, and now you're more driven than ever. | Flag | ||||
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-- (Riff approaches Izzy, who is obviously hungover) -- Riff: Hey Izzy! Alt-Izzy: /**EEEK!**/ -- Riff: Sorry, Izzy. I had to make sure I wasn't seen and that the REA-6's didn't raid you guys yet. Alt-Izzy: *(*)gasp(*) (*)wheeze(*) /Yet?!?/* -- Riff: I had an altercation with a REA-6 unit. It got my current false bio-chip number which will lead it here, but I stopped it from performing a DNA scanning that would have revealed me to be Riff. Alt-Izzy: Crap! Let's check the 4U City Blue net. -- Alt-Torg (bursting in): ***ah-HA!*** Alt-Izzy (trying to hide behind the computer chair): /***EEEK!***/ -- Alt-Torg: Got back from patrol just in time, Riff! And how was */your/ day?* Riff: Dude, back off! We've got trouble! Alt-Izzy: Both of you shut up! This is potentially serious! -- <Tak Tak Tak *Tak* Tak **TAK** Takkitty Tak *Tak* Takkitty Tak> Alt-Izzy: Hmm... | ... | No-no, wait... | It's not so bad! This new DNA scanning protocol is having failures left and right. -- Alt-Izzy (relaxing): They're not following up on the failures, they're trying to fix the protocols. | (*)Whew!(*) (Riff is grinning and pointing at Izzy; Alt-Torg also has a mischievous grin on his face) -- Alt-Torg and Riff: ***BOOGITTY-BOOGITTY!*** Alt-Izzy: /***EEEK!***/ -- Alt-Torg (tearing up): Damn that makes me miss /my/ dimension's Riff. Riff: I hear ya. -- Alt-Izzy (extremely annoyed): I think I universally hate *all* incarnations of you /*both.*/ Riff: And you only marry one of us. How is that fair? | Flag | ||||
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Alt-Torg: Izzy's wiped out again. Could you see if Riff is in his bunk? -- Alt-Izzy: Izznopityuyuk Alt-Torg: What was that? Alt-Izzy: Riffzzz... -- Alt-Torg: Riff is *what?* Alt-Izzy: *Hez off to conquer thizzity.* -- Alt-Torg: /What is it Lassie? Did Timmy fall in a well?/ Alt-Izzy: *I told him about Zoë! An' the computer he needs is up on the talll... -- Alt-Izzy: /Tall... Tall.../ Alt-Torg: The central tower? Alt-Izzy: Yeaaaaa... -- Alt-Torg: *Riff is going to break into the central tower of 4U city?!?* Alt-Izzy: **Gonna blast through in his REA-5! Pshoo Pshoo Pshoo...!** -- Alt-Torg: If Riff makes it to the center tower in a REA-5 from this squad, */we're all going down./ Suit back up, 6-pack!* We're going to stop Riff by *any means necessary.* (Alt-Torg lets go of Alt-Izzy and she hits the floor) <***THUD***> -- Six-Pack: "Any Means" means...? Torg: "Shooting him Lots!" Alt-Izzy (off panel; from the floor): **Pshoo! Pshoo! Pshoo!** | Flag | ||||
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Alt-Leo: What could go wrong? -- (Alt-Izzy glares at Alt-Leo) Alt-Leo (clueless): What? Riff (off panel; over the computer): *Izzy!* Come /*in!*/ -- Alt-Izzy: Riff! That you?!? /*Thank God you're alive!*/ Riff (off panel; over the computer): Listen to me! We need every REA-5 you can manage to the south east industrial district! -- Riff (off panel; over the computer): /*There is an outsider army inside the City walls!*/ Alt-Izzy: What?!? But I sent almost everybody to take care of the coffee riots to the north! -- Riff (into his cell phone; patching through Izzy's computer): Wait, you sent military units to stop victims of this City suffering from drug withdrawal /by force?/ Alt-Izzy (off panel; over the phone): No, dummy! /Diplomacy!/ -- Citizen (wacking an REA-5 unit over the head with a bat): I want coffee! REA-5 unit: Please stop hitting me. Citizen: *I want coffee!* REA-5 unit: Please stop hitting me. <**CLANG**> <**CLONG**> <**CLANG**> -- Alt-Izzy (off panel; over communications): Any idea how many they are? Riff (off panel; over communications): Can't tell! Looks like thousands! Maybe more than one army. Foreground: Alt-Crushestro: This is clearly /*my*/ home world! Alt-Alt-Crushestro: *Nay! It be mine-eth!* -- Riff (into his cell phone): Send everything you got! Alt-Izzy (off panel; over the phone): Will do! Do you know where Torg is? We really need him now! Riff (into his cell phone): He's... lost. We'll get him back, but for now you're on your own. -- Alt-Izzy (defeated): Understood. | Out. -- Alt-Izzy (depressed): No one lost ever comes back. | Leo, grab a headset and bark orders. Everyone not caught up in the north is to head south east. Never say "what could go wrong" again. Alt-Leo: Where are you going? -- Alt-Izzy: A stop off at the chem lockers, and then I go for a walk. Goodbye. | Flag | ||||
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-- (An REA-6 stands at the ready, as the rain ceases over 4U City) -- (Water from the previous rain drips from a point of an arrow on a "[obscured]UDGE *" sign; a poster in the window says ""We did it ALL" 4U") -- Alt-Izzy (sexily stretching in nothing but panties and a tank top): **YAWN!** -- Alt-Izzy: A bright and rain-free dawn. It's as if God's setting a stage for us. Alt-Torg: No God over /*this*/ city. -- Alt-Izzy (dementedly going for Alt-Torg's throat): *Shut-up you stupid God-hater!* -- Alt-Izzy (chilling out): Sorry. No coffee yet. Makes me cranky. Alt-Torg: Speaking of "low-sleep cranky," it looks like Riff came home about an hour ago. Go wake him up. I need to talk to him. -- Security Screen: DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE | ZONE: E42 -- Alt-Izzy (entering Riff's room): Riff? -- Alt-Izzy (slapping "Riff" on the butt): Riff, get your stupid butt up. /*Now!*/ <**SLAP**> -- Alt-Leo (sitting up): Hello beautiful! Alt-Izzy: /***EEEK!***/ -- Alt-Izzy (crossing her arms across her chest): *Who are you?* Alt-Leo (sitting on the edge of the bed, away from Izzy): My name's Nickel-Three-Six, or it was. I think it was Leo before that. Alt-Torg (barging into the room): *What's going on?* -- Alt-Leo: I'm Riff's guy from the 4U City pipe-works! Or I was. I can't go back there now. Alt-Torg: I remember you! You built us our first pipe-bombs! Alt-Izzy (annoyed): I need to freaking wake up. -- Alt-Torg: Do you know where Riff is? Alt-Leo: I don't know, but I know he's in danger. /Everywhere/ is dangerous this morning. -- Alt-Izzy (off panel): *Torg! There's *NO COFFEE!** Alt-Leo: And that's why. Nobody got this morning's coffee piped in. Nobody in this entire city. That's what I did for Riff. -- Security Screen (lights going off all over the city): DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE(S) | ZONE(S): E03 E42 N27 N01 W22 -- Alt-Torg: Riff turned the entire city into a big distraction! Izzy! Ready the REA-5's It's *time for the revolution to begin!* -- Alt-Izzy (once again dementedly going for Alt-Torg's throat): *Power up you own stupid REA-5s! There's *NO COFFEE!!!!!!!** Alt-Leo: /(*)Yawn!(*)/ This is going to be a long day! | Flag | ||||
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Riff: Let me get this straight... You tried to break your pet rabbit's head open with a hammer, but he got away, and you want me to help you find him?... -- (Riff's computer turns off) Riff (over the phone): No prob. I am just finishing up the last hour of a 29 hour animation rendering. When it is done and backed up, I'll help. <*PING*> -- (Riff stares at his computer and screams; Bun-Bun is frizzy with smoke coming off his fur) Riff (mortified): ****IT'S GONE!**** Bun-Bun: Note to self: Be careful chewing through power cables in future... | Flag | ||||
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(Hanz is looking away from the monitors he is supposed to be watching; from left to right: the end of the displacement drive presentation; the two minions Torg and Sasha tied together, making their way back to the base; minions Clyde and Blinky finding a weather balloon on the ground; and Bun-Bun pushing a cart with 15 million euros in briefcases) Leftmost monitor: Order a dislapchop today and get the sandwich shiner *free!* Hanz: I could actually use one of those. -- (Hanz's attention is drawn to the monitors; from left to right: a bowl of soup, the arrival at base of the tied-up minions, a minion freed from the mylar balloon, and Bun-Bun, but no sign of the briefcases) Hanz: *What the blue pucky?!?* Male minion (from center left monitor): /*Hlllph!*/ Clyde (from center right monitor): Sir, we just found one of ours stuffed into a weather balloon by a tiny minion of some kind! Blinky (from center right monitor): /*so dizzy...*/ Clyde (from center right monitor): You weren't in the balloon, Blinky. -- Female minion (entering the security office): Sir, the cart with the 15 million euros is not where it's supposed to be! Hanz: ***LOCK DOWN!*** -- (Hanz hits a round button labeled "Ert-Ert" with his fist; the button to the left is labeled "Launch," and the button to the right is labeled "Lunch") -- (Crushestro's assistant in Guest Room #15 looks surprised/annoyed/concerned when bars come down over the window) <CLANKK> Sign: Guest Room #15 SWEET Guest Room #15 </***ERT! ERT! ERT!***/> | Flag | ||||
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Riff: The beard didn't fool ya, huh. Could we avoid the violence this time? -- Gwynn (pulling his hood down to expose his face): Do you realize it was a year ago today you asked me out... Oh, I'm just being nostalgic. Anyway, I'm seeing someone else, so let's part friends. -- Gwynn: Are you OK? You don't look so hot. Riff (appearing dizzy): I think I might be getting a fever. I'm hot and it feels like my head is gonna explode. Maybe I should lie down. -- Zoë: Gwynn, that *Riff-voodoo-doll* is in the microwave. Can I take it out to heat up some pizza-rolls? Gwynn: One more minute. | Flag | ||||
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Random stick figure child in a beanie cap and crosses for eyes: I see stick people Stick-figure-doctor: This is a common occurrence for people having near-death experiences. Your eyes should go back to normal on their own. Enjoy your complimentary hat! -- Stick-figure-nurse (guiding Stick-Figure-Torg, with swirls for eyes, to the doctor): Here's your next patient, doctor. Stick-figure-doctor: Ah, Torg, is it? I see you've got a bad case of swirl-eye. -- Stick-figure-doctor (examining Torg's eyes): MM-HMm. -- Stick-figure-doctor: I'm sorry, but in your case it's permanent and terminal. Here, have some chocolate milk! You'll feel better. -- Stick-Figure-Torg (drinking the chocolate milk): *GLUG!* -- Label (with arrow pointing to chocolate-milk mustache): Chocolate-milk mustache Stick-figure-doctor: Nurse, give Torg a complimentary hat and send him on his way to get his affairs in order. -- <POP!> (A top hat is popped onto Torg's head) -- Stick-Figure-Torg: A top hat? I don't want a top hat! Could I get a cooler hat? Stick-figure-nurse: YES MASTER. Stick-Figure-Torg: **?** Stick-figure-doctor: Good stick-God! With that nefarious mustache and top-hat, you've transformed your dizzy swirl-eyes into /*hypno-eyes!*/ -- Stick-figure-doctor: Torg, we need to get your hypno-eyes fixed before the power corrupts you. Stick-Figure-Torg: Corrupts me? I don't think *you* need to worry about that now that you think you're a *duck!* (Torg holds his hands up and directs four zig-zag lines at the stick-figure-doctor's head; the stick-figure-nurse digs in a large box labeled "Hats" (the s in hats is backwards)) -- (Zig-zag lines hit stick figure doctor in the head) <Thok Thok Thok> Stick-figure-doctor: *GAK!* -- Stick-Figure-Torg: I have to remember not to do that with my hands. Nurse, dispose of the body! Stick-figure-nurse (about to hand Stick-Figure-Torg a large Mexican hat): YES MASTER. (Stick-figure-doctor lies on floor with three zig-zag lines sticking out of his head which is now covered with blood and oozing blood onto the floor) -- Stick-Figure-Torg: /*NOW, THE WORLD WILL BE MINE! I...*/ (Stick figure nurse leaves with stick figure doctor's body stuffed into the Mexican hat) Footnote: *fin* -- Stick-Figure-Torg (pointing at the footnote "*fin*"): "Fin"? /*"Fineto"?*/ You're ending the comic *here??* *Just* when this week /was getting *good?*/ -- Stick-Figure-Torg: Fine. Footnote: *fin* -- (Stick-Figure-Torg holds a mad, pouting pose, while a shark's fin comes into view; an arrow goes from "*fin*" to the shark's fin) -- Stick-Figure-Torg: What? (An arrow goes from "*fin*" to the shark's fin, which is now right next to Stick-Figure-Torg.) -- (Shark eats Stick-Figure-Torg). <**CHOMP!**> -- <**Splash!**> (second s is backwards; the shark disappears to just a fin visible) -- (Shark leaves -- just it's tail is visible) (An arrow goes from "*the end*" to the shark's tail) === Transcriber's Note: Was this "Shark Week??" | Flag | ||||
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Riff: I can't... There has to be *something* you can do! -- EMT: Even if I remove all of them, the pizza will still taste like fish. Riff: When I said I wanted everything, I didn't mean *anchovies!* Torg: I like anchovies! EMT 2 (about to chomp down on a pizza slice): We need a chopper and a six-pack of coke. ...Yes, a two liter will do. | Flag | ||||
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(Dr. Schlock tiptoes away in the foreground) <toe tip toe> -- Torg: Hey Sam. Need coffee. Sam: Hey, Torg! Long time no see! Riff (slumped over the back of the chair): Ooof! Why am I so weak! -- Zoë: _Sam_? Sam: Zoë! Hey! Look, sorry about all that vamp stuff that went down before, but I'm my own Sam-pire now, so don't worry! In fact I saved all you guys! Riff: *And where am I?* -- Riff (looking at his hospital gown): *And who dressed me funny?* Sam: Don't look at Sam, man! I don't do dress-ups! | Flag | ||||
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Squeeky-bobo: That's the gist of it, yeah. -- Torg: Hey, how'd you know who Val was? Squeeky-bobo: We've been watching you closely through the viewing-pool for some time now. We got all the information we needed the other night in the bar... -- </Flashback> Torg: And I could have saved Val when we traveled to the past in the time machine, but I didn't. So I ended up destroying her anyway. Crystal: I'm usually pretty good at keeping track, that *is* only your second drink, right, Torg? </Pause flashback> -- Torg: OK, then how'd you know what she looked like? -- </Flashback> Torg: This is what she looked like. See, I had to draw a picture because she's a vampire and they don't photograph well. Crystal (calling out): That's it. Torg's new cut-off limit is two drinks. </End flashback> -- Riff: I have a question. Why are you answering all our questions, instead of trying to kill Torg? Squeeky-bobo: Sometimes verbalizing a problematic situation leads to new solutions. For example, I'm not trying to kill Torg because it would be hard for me. It takes a lot of energy to move physical objects with any precision. I can slam doors, push people, even send some kitchen knives flying through the air, but the chances of them hitting their mark are low. -- Squeeky-bobo: Yup, all I can do is push things, create some illusions, possess people, ... -- (A lightbulb with crossbones (as in skull and...) lights up over Squeeky-bobo) -- (Squeekybobo disappears) <**POOF!**> -- (Zoë approaches Torg from behind carrying an axe) Torg: Where'd he go? -- Zoë (possessed by Squeeky-bobo -- raising the axe to chop Torg): ~Forgot I could possess people!~ -- Riff: Well, I'll be! Verbalizing a problematic situation *can* lead to new solutions!(*) <***CHOP!***> (Zoë/Squeekybobo swings and misses) Caption: (*) Learn more helpful problem-solving tips in *A Ghost's Guide to Thinking Outside the Funerary Box,* from Plan 2 Die Publishing! -- <**get out.**> Squeeky-bobo (as he's getting expelled from Zoë): ***WHAT?*** -- Squeeky-bobo: *Dammit! How the hell did you expel me like that?!?* (Zoë is standing with her hand over her mouth looking surprised and confused and maybe a bit dizzy) Torg: *Hey!* Zoë is possession-proof! -- Squeeky-bobo: *DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!* Riff: Torg, when you bought those sharp and jagged lawn tools, you kept them here instead of storing them out in the tool shed, right? Torg: Why do you ask? (Sharp and jagged lawn tools heading their way...) | Flag | ||||
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Acey: The truck... is it OK? Riff: I grabbed the wheel before you started blanking on us. Lucy's getting the can of tuna fish you wanted. -- Lucy: Here it is. That mitten you were holding... The "Arny" guy brought two like it to the coffee shop. Before the kittens attacked. -- Acey: They're Satan's mittens. The kittens will stop at nothing to get them back. Quickly, put the barrel of my gun into the tuna fish. Riff: Yum! Then we can bread the grenades. You dizzy again? --- Acey: You have to understand: We know what we're doing with these kittens. We control the mittens, which gives us control of them! Lt. Dart will be using them to bait the kittens away from the townsfolk and into our trap. - Caption: CO: Lt. Dart | A-Company | Handle Unit (Dart has one mitten tied to the radio antenna on his helmet, and is waving the other mitten) Dart: nyah nyah - Caption: CO: Lt. Mika | F-Company | Backup Unit (F-Company is lurking in the forest; Mika has a "Hello Kitty" decal on the front of her helmet) --- Acey: Kittens close fast. The scent of tuna draws the kittens right in front of the barrel of our riot guns. It's an effective way to knock them back. Caption: A-Company | Under attack (A kitten leaps at the barrel of Dart's gun; one of Dart's soldier's blows another one back with his riot gun) -- Acey: Normally we'd be leading them back to our Command Outpost, but thanks to the milk you provided, we're using the Little Teapot scenario. If we can herd them to the milk, we can contain them for another day. Riff: What do you mean "normally"? Caption: CO: Lt. Bones | E-Company | Milk-Unit (Map shows the location of the Arny units; five men per unit) -- Caption: CO: Lt. Dart | Transmission: Dart: All units be advised, we are only drawing in two kittens. The others could be anywhere. -- Acey: The Handle-Unit pulls them in towards the milk, and the Spout-Unit uses the local water supply to wall them in. Unless something goes wrong, the milk will neutralize the kittens. Riff: And if something goes wrong? Caption: Co: Lt. Pidge | B-Company | Spout-Unit (B-Company exits the "Wispydale Fire Dept." with fire hoses and "Soak Master" water guns, as kittens pounce.) -- Caption: B-Company | Under attack. (Blood; gore; shredded fire hose) -- Acey: We've never... lost... a... war game yet... Riff: Great. War games with satanic kittens. *Who /are/ you people?* -- Lucy: Is she OK? Riff: She lost an eye and a thumb and a lot of blood. We better get to that Command Outpost and hope there's a medic there. Buckle up, we're out of time. -- Lucy: We're heading to their base? Riff: Away from the kittens. -- Lucy: I thought you said the kittens were safer than these army-impersonators! Riff: A kitten tore the hood off this truck. I'm reassessing the situation as we go. -- Caption: CO: Lt. Pidge | Transmission: Pidge (into the radio): *Command!* | This is B-Company! | *We're being wiped out here!* The kittens shouldn't have been able to flank us! | Lt. Mika? /Sgt. Delaware?/ *Where was F-Company?* /God help/... * | Flag | ||||
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Basphomy: Time moves slower in dreams but not as slow as for him. We don't have much time. Bun-bun: You want me to lose the internal struggle with myself over Easter and just tune out. That'll leave me vulnerable in a war zone, toots! Not going to happen. -- Basphomy: Then you die. Bun-bun: Like I won't die playing shiny happy hippy in front of Satan Claws out there! -- Basphomy: If you can just focus for a second you'll be in the Timeshift and free to kick butt. You're not meditating: you're passing through a mental barrier! Like diving in a pool. Jumping in a lake. Taking a long walk off a short pier. Sticking your head up a... </End unconscious state> -- (Alien Santa punches Basphomy over Bun-bun's head; bringing Bun-Bun into consciousness) <**SLAM!**> --- (Bun-Bun stares) - Bun-Bun (surrounded by flowers): happy shiny people holding... - Alien Santa knocks Bun-bun into a pile of snow. <***WHAM!***> --- Alien Santa: You've lost and you don't even have time to realize it! Your ears are too slow to even perceive my words! Bun-Bun (surrounded by a green glow): Then quit wonkin' and let's see who's got time to win! -- Alien Santa: *How?* How are you able to face me? Bun-Bun: Don't want to talk about it. Alien Santa: Oh, come on! Bun-Bun: Who cares? It worked! -- Bun-Bun (scratching behind his ear): Of course I *am* dizzy, and tired. -- Bun-Bun (noticing his wound): *Man,* I lost a lot of blood. -- Bun-Bun (leaping for Basphomy's mallet): Oh, that paw is definitely sprained. *Great freaking plan Bone-Head!* | Flag | ||||
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SSR representative: Ahem. -- EU Chair (off panel): The chair recognizes the representative from the former Soviet Sunshine Republic! SSR Representative: Ve vant in on this Union. And ve can solve your American problem. We can, how the Americans say, "Nuke 'em?" -- EU Representative #1: **/YOU STILL HAVE NUKES?!?/* HEY!* What about our treaty-thingy? SSR Representative: We ver saving zem for a museum or zome zuch zhing. -- EU Representative #2 (off panel; from inside der Pankaken Haus): Well it doesn't seem very polite to nuke the Americans! SSR representative (off panel; from inside der Pankaken Haus): Vat if we zend zhem a courteous varning note? EU representative #2 (off panel; from inside der Pankaken Haus): Yes, and afterwards, a huge bouquet of flowers! Chair (off panel; from inside der Pankaken Haus): Done and /*done!*/ -- Lady Gwynn of the Book/Alt-Gwynn: How are you feeling? (Torg is waking up) -- Torg (sitting up suddenly in shock): What happened to the hole in my gut? Alt-Gwynn: I healed you by the powers of the Book. -- Torg: This is /incredible!/ I... *HOLD ON.* There's no weird magical side effects to this healing stuff? Lady Gwynn: There is always a cost but that cost is mine to bear alone. -- Torg: Hey, whoa... -- Torg: Still a little dizzy here! Alt-Gwynn: You need more rest. You lost a lot of blood. Alt-Freaky Fred: Aye. -- Torg (winking): Did you just say "eye" Fred? Alt-Freaky Fred: Yes! Aye! I said aye! -- Demon: /Sheriff Tarnashun! Human blood!/ Sheriff Tarnashun (carrying Chaz): *A trail at last. You ain't escaped us yet, Torg!* | Flag |
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